I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
