he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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