This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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