What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I looked at my own cervix.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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