When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
