she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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