Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
