i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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