i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
