margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
