He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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