If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
