Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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