I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
