FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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