Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
