is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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