made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
