Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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