i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
