just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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