Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
