I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we should paint friendship bongs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
