Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
