I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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