ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
