If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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