it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
