Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
