After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
