Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
