Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
