dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
