Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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