Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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