Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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