hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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