if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
