You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
