Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
