Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
