dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
