I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
