is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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