So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
