You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
