her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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