Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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