Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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