I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
