Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
