my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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