be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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